‘Room Service Advocacy’ Is Whiney And So 1st World!

Background Reading



The Fat Bike


So you wake up and yet another whiney cartoon crosses your desk about the quality of the bike lanes in urban cities. And like so much of this whiney stuff it is all about the fact that the city workers did not use a tooth brush and tweezers toe clear that last bit of glass from their precious bike lane.

And then there are the boring as heck whines about the fact that the road surface vibrates your entire body when you cross through the bike lane right around road construction season. Oh, and yes there are pot holes, imagine that in a city in the north east where the freeze and thaw of winter means that even if no traffic rides the streets all winter the road will still need repair come late summer.

Now when I read this kind of drivel from would be cycling advocates I keep thinking how these knuckleheads would fair in countries that are war torn or just so poor that the pavements are almost always rutted dirt and there are no places to get air to refill your tires and the closest bike shop in 100 miles to the south.

There are times when I would love to pick up most Urban Cyclists and drop them into a situation in which they could get their nose hairs readjusted and be appreciative of what they have once they have managed to cycle back.

Along Comes the Fat Bike

But truth be told most urban cyclists are wusses. They could never get as much mileage out of their daily exploits if not surrounded by others just like themselves who can appreciate their tales of woe. So they congregate on forums and whine for the first half of the day (when they should be working at their desks) and then ride home just hoping that somebody in a high-end German car passes to closely and they can whip out their new GoPro Session camera and grab a few harrowing frames for the benefit of their Facebook page readers.

Being an Urban Cyclists is a full time job. If it weren’t for all the beer they swill down after hours and the weed that helps them take the edge off, they would literally explode from the pressures of being a road warrior.

People really do not realize how harrowing it is to have a Mass Transit bus pull to the curb up ahead to allow passengers in wheel chairs to board which then causes a chain reaction. They have to ‘swerve‘ around the bus into the lane to their left to get around the bus. And just at that moment the bus pulls away from the curb having loaded its passengers and then they have to ‘swerve‘ back into the bike lane.

Of course the fact that the bike lane is situated where it is (right next to parked cars) means that a fair amount of bus and car traffic are going to  violate the thing. But Urban Cyclists are a fairly dull lot and rather than being pissed off at the city for the placement get angry with their fellow road users for ‘invading their space‘.

So my suggestion is to get your thumb out of your rectum and get a ‘fat bike‘. Or if you would really like to have a chance to stop at every single stop sign and never need to put your feet dow, get a ‘fat trike‘. Either way it would give you a different perception of just how bad the road is in your area. You could ride for days without know that the pedestrian you hit last Friday while slicing through the protected crosswalk as you raced to beat a red light, was decomposing into something quite soft and pleasant.

And should you hit another pedestrian today you could be forgiven for not realizing that you had crush his white cane and his seeing eye dog because who can feel anything under tires like these.

Yeah, get a fat bike, write your damned comic strip and leave the rest of us alone, please.