Look Who’s Giving Lessons!

Background Reading


Do's and Don't on The 606 Do avoid early evening rush hour if you are planning to power walk, power jog or speed on your bike, as all three could be difficult to do with so many people enjoying the trail. Photo credit: DNAinfo/Alisa Hauser

Do’s and Don’t on The 606
Do avoid early evening rush hour if you are planning to power walk, power jog or speed on your bike, as all three could be difficult to do with so many people enjoying the trail.
Photo credit: DNAinfo/Alisa Hauser


If you know anything about the Urban Cycling Movement in Chicago then you are aware that ‘taking orders‘ is not one of their strong suits. I would classify them as basically arrogant and disdainful of anything that smacks of ‘educating them‘ as a group on the best practices they could/should adopt.

The Urban Cyclist "Shuck and Jive"

The Urban Cyclist “Shuck and Jive”

Take for instance the subject of ‘running red lights‘. It is certain to bring out some really weird replies to suggestions that they stop doing this. Among those replies will be the suggestion that bicycles are a ‘wholly other‘ kind of vehicle which because of its limited mass is incapable of killing people. But we know that you can bump into a pedestrians at only a couple of miles per hour and knock them unconscious.

But this reality keeps getting lost on these knuckleheads who keep insisting that the mass of the vehicle is what kills. Sorry but this video should put to rest that lie.



So if you read through this article is becomes clear that the bulk of the ‘Don’ts‘ are being laid at the feet of pedestrians and people of color who happen to be teaching their children biking skills.

But hey! Isn’t this park really all about pedestrians? Don’t people pushing strollers or walking their dogs rank way higher on the Vulnerable User Scale that some smarts hipster buzzing by on a single speed bike? And what the heck does the guy riding the velomobile represent other than a guy getting to and from work along this route. Why is he marked as a ‘Don’t‘?

These hipsters give me heartburn when they start to point the finger at others. They are the most unsafe users of ANY of the trails in the city including the LFP. So how does somebody from that group get the urge to start telling everyone else how to behave? Miss Manner can do herself and her friends a favor by writing all this stuff up for their forum and keeping the rest of us out of it.

The River Walk Kerfuffle

No sooner had the River Walk opened to demonstrate the effectiveness of its two block extension and the same crowd of hipsters were bellyaching about the pedestrians down there as well.

Give it up you folks! God did not create the world for bicyclists. Reread your Old Testament. Nowhere does it say that Adam and Eve were cyclists. But I can understand your confusion, the two were naked. And that fact alone must have made you assume that the entire first book of the Pentateuch took place at a World Naked Bike Ride in Portland.

Nope. Feet are always better than rubber tires. No matter how you cut it bicycles are way too large to be of much use unless (like their automotive cousins) they have parking places allotted to them. Heck you can’t bring these stupid things on the Metra trains without taking up three sets (and probably putting a person in a wheelchair in some discomfort) just so you can avoid buying a Divvy ticket.

Get Over Yourselves

It isn’t that the etiquette lessons are not useful. But you are the wrong folks to be offering them up. When you get rid of enough of your innate sense of entitlement to live like the rest of us, then perhaps we can discuss whether anyone on the planet cares to listen to your drivel.

In the meantime, learn to operate your feet. Walking is good for you. When you find yourself in places like the 606 Trail or even the Chicago Lakefront Trail assume that God wants you sorry asses to walk. My guess is that once you master this skill, you will be a good deal less upset with pedestrians in general.

A Needed Reply To A ‘Dork From Ork’

Forgive me, I just cannot remember if it was Mork or Dork. But nevertheless one of the crazies from the Urban Cycling Community left a reference to “Velomobile ‘Mork’, frequent and often in the am, is a ‘DO’ on The 606 Trail.”

He was claiming that the references to ‘Velomobile Mork’ were among the ‘Do’s‘ in the article. Well knowing that lots of these guys who participate in the forum for the UCC are quite often recovering from some sort of inebriation it seems prudent to leave them the actual document from which I am citing references.

That is in fact why I always leave a PDF as background reading. It helps in adjudicating discrepancies of this sort. So evidently one of his favorite drugs is Prilosec™. He writes ‘works great for me‘.

I don’t doubt that you do like it. But that does not change the fact that the velomobile use is listed under the DON’Ts.