Bicycle Theft Has Reached Galactic Proportions

The Time William Shatner Stole Leonard Nimoy’s Bicycle



Leonard Nimoy: He is mean. He is really mean. I’ve been telling people this for years. Now, I want you to believe me tonight, I’m not kidding, he’s mean, he’s a mean person. He stole my bicycle.
William Shatner: I didn’t steal your bicycle.
Nimoy: Yes, he did. He stole my bicycle.
Shatner: I’m gonna tell you the story
Nimoy: And it was not once.
Shatner: I tell you what we do
Nimoy: He took advantage of a person in need.
Shatner: When were you in need?
Nimoy: Of a person struggling, a person in pain. He did! He hurt me, badly. I want you to know that. Is this being taped? Is somebody taping this? I want it on record, you know?

[Shatner puts his arm around Nimoy’s neck and kisses his ear.]

Shatner: I wouldn’t hurt you for the world, Leonard, but the problem was every time they’d call lunch you’d get on your bike and bicycle down to the conversary and get ahead…
Nimoy: That’s the logical thing to do.

[Nimoy walks away and goes to the speaker’s pulpit]

Shatner:Is it something I said?
Nimoy: I’m looking for the water. You want some water? It’s true. I had a bicycle. I had my name on it, too. That’s right. It said it right there. It said: ‘Leonard Nimoy’ and I spelled it correctly, too. That’s because we had not much time to get from the stage to the commercary, get to lunch, get to the make-up department, get the ears touched up and get to work. So, I used the bicycle. And one day I walked out the stage and my bicycle was gone. Right! So I came up to the stage and I was kind of upset. And I said: ‘who took my bicycle? Come on guys, I took it here for a reason’.
Shatner: It was chained.
Nimoy: Now, my friend here decides to have some fun with me. So one day after I had complained, he got my bicycle and he tied it to a rope and they put it into the rafters. And the ceiling is higher than the ceiling here on the sound stage. And when I said: ‘Where’s my bicycle?’, he starts laughing ‘hahaha’. I mean is that funny, to hide a guy’s bicycle? And I was in bad shape at the time I could hardly walk. Bill took advantage of a guy who is hurt. I want some sympathy. Wait a minute!

[“ooooooooh!!” from the audience]

Shatner: Wait a minute. He’s only telling half of the story. Let me tell you the rest of the story. When he first got teh bike he paddled like crazy and he got down to the conversory ahead of everybody else and he got lunch before everybody else had. Now, these are important things. So I bought a chain and one of these locks – when you shoot them theystill remain in place. And I locked the bike to a fire-lighter.
Nimoy: Why?
Shatner: And he came out and said: ‘Why did you do this?’
Nimoy: Yeah, why?
Shatner: Because I had to get lunch, too…. So he got wolf-cutters the next day, opend the chain so that he got his bike. So the following day…
Nimoy: I remember everything!
Shatner: I bred dobermen as well as horses. A doberman is a great dog. Very territorial, they love their master.
Nimoy: His dogs are meaner than he is. and that’s not easy!
Shatner: So I put my dog in the dressing room . So when I saw that his bike was unchained and somebody could take it…; I took his bike and I put it for safekeeping in my dressing room. [Laughter from the audience] And when he said where his bike was I said I put it into my dressing room for safekeeping, Leonard, and I went off to lunch. He got very upset! Just because a doberman went for his throat. I told him the best way to stop a charging doberman is while he is in mid-air is reach out and grab his tongue. It immediately stops.
Nimoy: I tried the Vulcan death grip, it didn’t work. The next day I had a car, I was driving a large Buick…
Shatner: You’re still driving it.
Nimoy: …and parked outside the sound stage to protect my bicycle. I put it inside my Buick and locked the car. – Guess who had my car towed away? [The audience laughs out loud, cheers] He is not a nice guy! This is not a nice guy!
Shatner: It was one of those flyer – bicycle. I still have it and they are worth a lot of money now. What was your favorite episode, Leonard?
Nimoy: [very dryly]: Spock’s brain.


Shatner: I think we did a good job in putting it back!

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