Trust Fund Babies In A Funk? Convert Those Billions In Cycling Wealth!

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It is very sad to read that Ben is in the dumps. He like so many self-proclaimed “transportation wonk” he is having to face the same predicament of many ‘trust fund babies‘.

Your mother does not like your boy friend. But to make things worse he has gotten you pregnant. On a visit to someplace warm you manage to get caught leaving at the airport with her corpse stuffed in a suitcase. Bummer!

The Urban Cycling Movement has been trying to ‘piggy back‘ off of the plight of pedestrians and mass transit riders in the hopes that their trust fund could be used to fuel yet another evening of ‘fun and games‘. But having found their mother in the suitcase they cannot even find the money to pay for a good legal defense team. After all she is dead!

All those billions of dollars we have been scrabbling over with the GOP each election cycle are now down to a trickle. We have bilked the driving population out of billions of dollars for things that benefit the very few.

And we kept offering up the excuse for this by maintaining that we were ‘saving the planet‘. And every time we wanted more we whined that ‘oil usage was obscene‘ and that we were being ‘driven to ride around naked each year‘ to spotlight it all. And each time we raised the tax rate (or at least suggested it) we felt more self-righteous than ever. We were sticking it to the automobile industry and its millions of users whose only fault was that they all tried to get to work at the same time.

That of course causes Rush Hour and so they had to be punished. Never mind of course that most ‘bicycle commuters‘ avoid mass transit unless they have to take it. We like to pose as standing in solidarity with the masses (despite writing some rather nasty bits on the ChainLink Forum about having to sit next to them).

So now we are in a funk.

We have railed against the building of more highways which would of course mean more driving which of course would raise more Trust Fund Money but we would rather increase the tax to the point that driving would be seriously too costly for the Middle Class and that would save them from themselves.

In utter panic they would turn to the Mass Transit sector. But everyone knows that the reason that the Trust Fund Babies are whining is because bringing Mass Transitup to speed‘ to handle the millions of new users driven there by the impossibly high taxes takes money. And that money is no longer as plentiful since all the drivers are now taking transit.

You can see where this is going. If they find your mother in a suitcase at the airport, you simply cannot tap her on the shoulder and whine about not having enough money to mount a good legal defense. Likewise when you have succeeding in ‘killing the golden goose of transportation‘ all those bike lanes and trails no longer have a Sugar Daddy to pay for them.

If you get your way and the Trust Fund Tax is increased it means that what you wanted to happen (drive down the number of miles driven) will happen. And that of course makes the tax increase of less impact.

This is almost like being a teenager who has reached that awkward place in life where the rules your parents set for you make you want to leave home. But you cannot afford to leave home (at least not until you get into college) because well, who is going to pay for your college tuition. And even if you manage to put up with them long enough to get into school, you suddenly realize that you might as well have some place to come home to at the Holiday Season so you shut your trap and bide your time.

And then once you graduate and start looking for a job you find out that they are not as plentiful in the ‘underwater basketweaving field‘ as you had been led to believe. So with a mounting bit of school debt (your parents were unable to bite off the full cost of tuition) you settle for moving back in with them. Bummer!

Talk about a rack and a hard place!