A Gutless Movement Has Found Its Next Leader

Background Reading

Summary

Leigh Vogel/Getty Images Police say Anna Hansen admitted to lying about being behind the wheel of Lance Armstrong's SUV after he hit several parked cars in Aspen.

Leigh Vogel/Getty Images
Police say Anna Hansen admitted to lying about being behind the wheel of Lance Armstrong’s SUV after he hit several parked cars in Aspen.

Well it all fits! When you have a movement where the primary interest is in being a ‘victim‘ then you eventually end up with folks holding very high profile being unwilling or unable to ‘own their mistakes‘.

The Urban Cycling Movement is full of a bunch of ‘binge drinkers‘ who are either unwilling to admit or ignorant of their condition. So many of us glorify alcohol as if we were some sort of gift from the gods.

But the hypocrisy of it all is borne out when we always want to blame motorists for hitting us while drunk or at the very least impaired. But when we smack down a pedestrians who ends up dying a few days later from a ‘brain bleed‘ we clam up tightly and look off into the sunset hoping that no one notices.

Heck, we do not even have the decency to erect a ‘ghost bike‘ on behalf of the pedestrians we manage to murder. We simply ignore their deaths and turn crimson if someone tries to bring up the subject. We even go so far as to write rather idiotic blog entries about how safe it was for pedestrians in New York City without bothering to even mention the deaths of two pedestrians at the hands of stupid cyclists.

It is evidently ‘bad form‘ to admit your mistakes. According to the NCIS character Jethro Gibbs contrition is a sign of weakness. Huh? Sorry Urban Cycling Movement members that is pure and unadulterated bullshit!

So How Does The New Urban Cycling Movement Head Behave?

Who Decided This Was A Suitable Fundraising Theme for a Bicycle Safety Advocacy Organization?

Who Decided This Was A Suitable Fundraising Theme for a Bicycle Safety Advocacy Organization?

We true to form of course. Rather than admit that he had been ‘binge drinking‘ and then as a result unable to steer his vehicle he hits two cars. So, when Officer Friendly comes up and asks what happened he does what any self-righteous member of the Urban Cycling Movement knows is best. He asks her to ‘cover‘ for him!

Right On, Brother! You always make your ‘bitch‘ do the squatting. Just like when we hit some stupid ass pedestrians who is in our way (you, know causing us to ‘lose our momentum‘) we grabs us some lawyer ass and tells him to tell the ‘po-po‘ we was only doin’ 8 MPHfuh sho‘.

Yeah. That’s right! And anybody who even points out how very difficult it must be to murder someone while driving a bicycle, we label that asshole what he is, ‘anti-cycling‘.

Lance is ‘my main man‘. Hell his performance is superb enough in this instance to even consider starting an Austin Chapter of Slow Roll. Now we just need to get the ‘brother‘ to stop wearing helmets and to join us when we perform that Idaho Stop ‘Two Step’.

Urban Cyclist "Idaho Stop" Two-Step Variation

Urban Cyclist “Idaho Stop” Two-Step Variation

Somebody ought to get Lucas Brunelle on the line to come help our new leader film his own version of ‘I don’t give a shit about the 3 Feet Law and who the fuck needs Bike Lanes?’ I suppose the guys at Red Bull might even want to go half-sies on the plane fare and such. It’s a Great Movement we have here and I dare any motherfucker to say otherwise.

See you ‘elites‘ later.