The trendy smart bike has one problem: Real cyclists hate it

By Holly Richmond
6 May 2014 6:49 PM

Source: Grist

Vanhawks’ Valour is a smart bike that tracks things like distance, speed, and calories burned.

Vanhawks’ Valour is a smart bike that tracks things like distance, speed, and calories burned.

Vanhawks’ Valour is a smart bike that tracks things like distance, speed, and calories burned. It offers turn-by-turn navigation based on elevation gain and real-time traffic data, and the handlebars vibrate to warn you when a car’s in your blind spot. Plus, riding it for an hour can fully charge your phone. Its successful Kickstarter campaign has already raised more than twice its $100,000 goal, and it isn’t even over yet.

So what’s not to love? Everything, according to actual bike aficionados. WHOOPS. Bike Snob NYC recently mocked Valour’s Kickstarter campaign, much to the delight of Reddit’s cycling community. Bike Snob deems Valour “complicated” and “impractical,” noting its $1,049 price tag. But here’s the best part:

The bicycle has “blind spot detection,” which looks suspiciously like a “rider flatulence alert.”

The bicycle has “blind spot detection,” which looks suspiciously like a “rider flatulence alert.”

The bicycle has “blind spot detection,” which looks suspiciously like a “rider flatulence alert.”

Ooh, look, he farted again!

Ooh, look, he farted again!

Ooh, look, he farted again!

There’s also the tiny detail that, although this bike can basically make you dinner, it lacks actually USEFUL things like fenders or a bike rack. In the words of Bike Snob:

If I were a novice cyclist and all that was available to me was crap like this I’d make the logical choice and say, “Fuck it, I’m leasing a Hyundai.”

Yep. The whole hilarious takedown is worth a read. Check it out.


TakeAways

Regardless of whether anyone likes the bike or not, where exactly does one go to find certified “real cyclists“? That sounds like an awfully exclusive club. All the “real cyclists” I know make their living racing bikes and wear Lycra™ “at the office“. Riding under 5 miles to work each day hardly qualifies one as a “real cyclist” and especially not on city streets.