Updated: Why do most cyclists suck? Open invitation to the Church of Misfit Cyclists and Same Day Saints

Source: ChainLink

Mountain_Bike_ActionPosted by dietrich77 on January 2, 2013

Serious here.  Every time I meet another cyclist, I’m totally put off.   I just can’t take the elitism / know-it-all attitude… Meet this dude at the north shore century and he was lecturing me about how “there’s a time and place for 26 inch wheels” and it’s not on a century.  I ride a 26 wheeled LHT.  I was like, man, I road this across the country… come at me bro.  I’ve been riding seriously since like 92… don’t lecture me about biking.  Or perhaps it’s me?  I guess not everyone appreciates my dead hooker jokes?

Anyway, I’m looking for beer driven degenerates like myself who like to bike because it’s awesome… because it makes you feel like a million flying erections.  Not because you’re saving the earth, or that ti frames, vintage frames, carbon frames give you some chubb.  I want to booze, bitch about my wife, job, and generally thumb my nose at societal norms – e.g. making dick-fart jokes, laughing at fat brides eating an obscene amount of cake, talking about lesbian scissoring, etc. I don’t want to hear about your community food co-op or how you and your wife don’t have a car and you haul your kids around on one of those third world cargo bikes, or any similar hippy-feminist bullshit for that matter.

We need to take this sport back from hipsters, elitists, hammerhead health nuts, triathletes and know-it-all half asses.  I you are like minded and appreciate such irreverence, come worship with me on the next weather permitting sunday at the Church of Misfit Cyclists and Same Day Saints.  Contact Elder Mitch via PM for details.  Praise his name.

Um… Not quite certain what to make of this thread. I will eagerly await the aftermath of this post.

Some Responses and Replies

Reply by Jennifer 7 hours ago
You had me until “bitch about my wife.” Honestly, sometimes I think I must be in violation of the secret law against being an Avid Cyclist while single.

Reply by dietrich77 6 hours ago
Oh no, it’s cool. I by no means was exclusionary in my post. You can bitch / complain about anything and I will tell you you’re right and that it sucks.

Reply by Juan Primo 6 hours ago
I’m on irreverence overload at the moment but I could bitch about your wife it if helped.

Reply by notoriousDUG 6 hours ago
You had me up till the point you went off onto the ‘hate filled douche’ tangent there.

I agree there is, at times, a need to remove the elitism from cycling but I do not think that the manner to do it is to yourself become an elitist. The second you bash roadies, carbon nuts, hipsters or cargo moms you have become EXACTLY the person you described at the start who was bashing 26″ wheels; think about it.

I’d really like to hang out with some people who just like to bike for the sake of biking and have a good time but I don’t want to run the risk of being derided at your meeting because I like old steel bikes and like cargo bikes…

This bit of navel-gazing that the group is undergoing is a bit painful to watch. It would seem that there is in this a parallel to the fractured self-destruction the GOP is undergoing just now. Everyone recognizes that there is a problem. When you have the governor of New Jersey calling you out for not voting on the Sandy relief monies as well as a rabid attack dog like Peter King from New York, there is some disconnect going on inside the lower chamber of Congress.

As for the original posters (OP) request that there be an attempt to “take back” the sport that is fairly laughable. First, to what end? Nothing about his agenda (“boozing, wife bashing, etc., etc.) sounds as if it is remotely part of the sport. In fact my experience with the Church of Urban Cycling is that it is hardly aware of the sport nature of the cycling and in fact disdainful of it (sometimes with good reason) because urban cyclists are all about functionality.

The whole notion of having bikes that are sold “like appliances” means that there is little attention paid to a bicycle beyond judging whether it will do what you need in terms of transportation. Its color scheme and equipment details are irrelevant. In fact in Bicycle Heaven most of the sold there are heavy, black, plodding devices which can withstand the rigors of being ridden year round and stored in corrals where thousands of bikes are kept during the day.

It would be as if the American fixation with the bicycle itself were simply dropped and instead folks thought more about whether their rear racks were strong enough to support a friend who wanted to ride side-saddle on it down Milwaukee Avenue into work.

I was a bit amused at the reasoned approach being taken by the last respondent. His brusque personal style is normally quite different. I guess he has been turning over a new leaf with respect to his caffein consumption?

But getting back to the fixation of the OP on alcohol, where does this come from? I can understand liking beer. But I certainly do not understand the desire to make that the central experience of a cycling life. I have run into several such folks on the ChainLink and found it a bit off-putting. The worst of these situations was on the Jewish-Muslim Ride where one fellow decided to blurt out (in the midst of a group of Muslims who abhor alcohol consumption) that an ale-house we were passing seemed like a house of worship to him. Yep, that was just the thing to say on a ride held during a Muslim fasting day when most of the riders really wanted to be at home worshipping.

As I said before I sometimes wonder at the state of mind that Urban Cyclists bring to the sport with them.

Aw! The Trained Seals Begin the Attack!

Kinda feeling sorry for the OP. He almost got away with just a few paltry comments and then the real attack started:

Reply by Duppie 55 minutes ago
You just sound like every other angry middle-aged white guy. If I want to hang out with another angry middle aged white guy, I’ll just look in the mirror.

I think I’ll pass.

Reply by James BlackHeron 46 minutes ago
Way to go by rolling the natural 1 on a detect irony saving throw…

Reply by mike w. 45 minutes ago
Eh, Meh…
Just another example that the biggest problem some cyclists have is with other cyclists.
Just ride.
And get over yourself. wouldja?

Reply by dan brown 26 minutes ago
this sure seems like troll bait…but after looking at previous threads; maybe not.

Elder Mitch – would you please care to elaborate ? i.e. you say “…most cyclists suck”; and then
“Every time I meet another cyclist…” ; but then you give a total of *one* example of someone
with a strong opinion about something cycling related. C’mon – let’s be realistic here : every hobby/sport
is full of opinionated/passionate folks. I just shrug it off. I have met dozens and dozens of people via cycling (chainlink, etc.) and am hard pressed to remember a time someone really got under my skin.
let it go. is something else bothering you ? yeah I am pissed off about some things too but I just try to forget about it…

See here is what this looks like. First “Rhymes with Puppy” calls out your ethnicity and racial angst. Then someone with way too much caffeine in their system tries to say something clever and screws up terribly. And then another trained seal uses “meh” at you and when a SNL-ism gets tossed at your you are doomed. And the coup de grâce is delivered by their troll sniffing blood hound who slobbers all over you rather than sinking in his fangs.

Messy sight all around. Hope you learned your lesson?

More Sparks Flying

Additional thoughts were offered up as follows:

Reply by Juan Primo 7 hours ago
I don’t think cyclists have to hang around cyclists to just be cyclists. There are lots of subsets to the species, and that’s why carbon guys race-train together, vintage guys drool over lugs, and freds bond over dreams of bigger racks.

We always seek out folks who have similar interests. I can’t help you with your sense of humor or lesbian fantasies so maybe you’ll be riding solo for a while.

Reply by Anne Alt 2-10 7 hours ago
With bikes, as with art or music, there is no one “right” answer that works for everyone. Live and let live. Ride whatever bike(s) will make you happy.

Reply by David Barish 13.9 6 hours ago
Sure, this may be a bit puppy dogs and moonbeams but I agree. Biking is fun and it makes me happy. That being said, if getting it off your chest makes you feel good, go get ’em and hallelujah. Anne and I will be drinking a beer…because it tastes good. We might be sharing it with a fixie riding gal with an awkward piercing as long as she keeps the dissonance down and has a good story to tell. We might be sharing it with a borderline Asbergers cyclo nerd who loves to talk tech as long as he lets us get a word in edgewise. We might have a round with a couple of frat boys who ring their bell every time a comely cyclist rides by as long as they show a little respect.
We might pedal along furiously with the Walter Mitty peleton as they crank their expensive carbon wonders. I suspect we will let them go if we see a cool sight and decide to take a picture and share it with Gene. Enjoy the ride guys and gals. Remember, its always more fun when we have a minyan. Its safer too.
To stay with the religious motif of the thread, we don’t see a fire and brimstone biking God- Thou Shalt ride 20 mph! We don’t see the cynical cycling deity of your church. its more of a liberal theology. However, we are humble enough to feel that we don’t have the answer. Any one of us could be right and likely we are all wrong. Either way, we will ride this interfaith thing and salute you either way. ride on.

Reply by dietrich77 5 hours ago
Just as I assumed. No one in this community can take a joke. Fuck your couch Duppie.

Reply by Haddon 2 hours ago
OP is obviously trolling and is an attention whore, please take it back to 4chan.

Reply by h’ 1.0 1 hour ago
Anyone ever tell you you bear a striking resemblance to Harold Lipschitz?

Reply by Kevin C 4.1 mi 1 hour ago
Too ethnic.

This my friends is how a dysfunctional movement stays that way. It feeds on several things:

  1. The demonization of its membership or anyone thought to not be a “True Believer”
  2. Ethnical or racial slurring that is supposed to lessen the humanity of the person with whom others disagree
  3. The casual declaration that someone is a troll. In circles like this, such a pronounce is like calling a person a Communist in the 1950s or a Socialist if he is black and the POTUS.
  4. Describing anything others take umbrage with as having been a “joke” and thus is the equivalent of “no harm, no foul”.

I guess getting kicked off this forum was a blessing in disguise. I can see little earthly value in the conversations like this that crop up far too often.